university in the Philippines. I passed the
local board exams. I attended several trainings and seminars that
were nursing related. My family planned for me to go to the U.S. to
take NCLEX and look for a job there. Luckily, everything that we
planned for were all materializing. We’re so happy that we thought
it was really God’s plan for me and my family.Everything
in my life was in perfect order. I graduated from UST College of
Nursing, a prestigious
But
we never thought that 2011 would be a very tough year for me and the
people who love and care for me. I just came back from the U.S. where
I passed my NCLEX. Everything was happening according to my plan. I
had laid it all according to how I wanted it to happen. But maybe it
wasn’t His plan for me after all. May 14, 2011, at the age of 21, 2
weeks after I came back from the U.S., I attended IVT (Intravenous
Therapy for Nurses). When I was in the training center, I felt dizzy
and also felt the left side of my body become numb. I just thought
that it was because of lack of sleep the night before. So I rested on
my desk. But the dizziness didn’t go away and I felt ill all the
more. My head was spinning and I was starting to lose consciousness
so I shouted for help, even if I didn’t know anybody in the class.
I started to vomit and lose grasp of everything. The people there
responded and rushed me to the hospital downstairs. I later came to
know that my friends rushed me to a bigger hospital for treatment.
The last thing I remember was saying “Kayo(Lord) na po ang bahala
sa akin.”
An
operation was done to me to remove the blood that filled my brain.
They told me that I was in a comatose state for 1 day. The next thing
I know, I was in the hospital, with tubes, catheters, “paralyzed”
and bald. Apparently, I have this congenital disorder called
Arteriovenous Malformation and also had Hydrocephalus. It has the
same signs and symptoms as stroke, when it is located in the brain.
Mine was located in the right thalamus of the brain so the effects
had something to do with the pain motor and sensory deficits in my
body like the feeling of numbness, pain, difficulty in coordination
and balance. If it were that fatal, I could’ve lost my life in an
instant. I couldn’t remember everything that has happened to me in
the hospital because of the swelling in my brain. Most that I
remember were the painful ones like the removal of the surgical
staplers in my head after they did the Emergency Ventriculostomy
surgery, removal of NGT, indwelling catheter and all the painful
parts of my body. People thought that I was paralyzed since I wasn’t
moving the left side of my body. My eyesight was also affected. When
I want to watch TV, I would always say that the reception is not
clear or that I can’t see what I’m watching. The doctors said
that my vision was also affected because it was in a downward gaze
like the eyes that you’d see in horror movies. Some of the visitors
were afraid because of the way that I would stare at them. I also
lost my ability to speak normally. I can communicate what I want but
in a very slow and childlike manner. I was like a little child asking
for things I wanted and complaining about everything. I was also
restless to the point that I was unintentionally hurting the people
around me even if they’re just trying to help. They also had to tie
me in my hospital bed for a certain time because of my irritability
and restlessness to avoid hurting people.
But
we really believe that it was all meant to happen. God is really good
for having the perfect timing for everything. It didn’t happen
while I was in the U.S. where I wasn’t with my family. It’s true
that my relatives there would still care for me, but the love and
affection of your immediate family is still different. Everything is
possible and could’ve happened in a blink of an eye but God has His
own perfect way of making things happen. My disease may have limited
certain parts of my body and even my eyesight. But it has opened my
heart to the things that are really valuable in this life.
People
were praying for me day and night. My family, relatives, friends and
even people whom I don’t know offered prayers and mass petitions
for me. They called different saints and blessed people to aid us in
our request to grant me the physical healing. Our main intercessor is
St. Padre Pio whom our relatives introduced to us. I would remember
praying the Divine Mercy with my mother at night or before I go to
sleep. Aside from visiting me in the hospital, the people even
offered help in different forms which we are truly grateful for. God
has provided us with very kind hearted relatives and friends who were
always ready to show their concern and love for us during those
trying times.
After
2 weeks in the hospital, I was discharged and sent home. Everybody
was so happy and was surprised to hear that in that small span of
time, I would be home again. But the real challenge just started for
me. I wasn’t used to the things my sickness has brought me. From
being bald, to the numbing or feeling of being paralyzed on the left
side of my body, the loss of the ability to speak normally and the
emotional stress it has brought me. I thought everything had fallen
apart and nothing’s left for me. I thought all my dreams and my
family’s hopes for me were all put to waste. I had several episodes
of emotional breakdown. The doctors said that I experienced clinical
depression because of my sickness. Maybe that time I was thinking of
“Why is it me whom they’re caring for? Am I not the nurse who
should be taking care of other people?” I was really helpless and
even hopeless at that point. I was also anxious always that if my
parents are not beside me, I would think of a lot of things and would
start to cry.
But
then, my family and friends were still hopeful and continued praying
for me and visited me in our home every day. It has helped me a lot.
I started to pray again and asked for the intercessions of the saints
especially Padre Pio. I also asked the Lord’s guidance and Mama
Mary as well.
Apart
from the medical help I was receiving from the doctors, where we also
sought the help of the psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression,
the ophthalmologist who prescribed me with glasses to help my
eyesight, it was the renewed faith I had that made me carry on with
my life and the continuous prayers of the people. I had undergone
another surgery last June 22, 2011, which was called Stereotactic
Radiosurgery to cure the ruptured vessel. The procedure can have many
effects; it can either heal the vessel completely or it can decrease
the size of the vessel or possibly no effect at all. Without
hesitation, we agreed to do the procedure even if there is no
assurance and just placed our faith in the Almighty Lord.
Our
family vowed to dedicate our Sundays to the Lord. My sister sings
during 7:00-8:00 pm mass and my mother serves as an usherette during
7:00-8:00 pm mass as well. I, on the other hand, serve as a
lector/reader during the same mass as well. We also had a promise
that we would attend mass as a family in St. Padre Pio Center every
Sunday. We continued with our lives and tried to go back to our
normal routines again. As for me, I thought of it as a very long
vacation where I had a lot of time contemplating on things while I’m
on the road to recovery. I have finished attending my physical
therapy sessions from January 2012 to July 2012. I am attending
classes for my Master of Science in Nursing degree in St. Paul
University of the Philippines and will finish my degree on October
2013. I also used to work as a home-based data entry specialist.
A
year later, July 25, 2012, I was scheduled to have my 3rd
Cerebral Angiogram to know the status of my brain after the
Radiosurgery. The doctors told us even before that the recovery of my
condition or the complete healing of my disease usually takes 2-3
years time and still depends on a lot of factors, but we still agreed
to do the Angiogram so that we won’t be clueless as to my
condition.
But lo and behold!
The result is normal.
The residents and the doctors looked surprised and the doctor who did
the procedure said right after we are done with the angiogram, “Thank
God! Nica, I am very happy with the result.” My neurosurgeon even
said “You are now cured! You can do whatever you want.”
My family and I were
so happy to hear the good news! Even before, I just kept telling God
that His will be done and I know that whatever happens, it would be
for my good. Immediately we thanked God for this wonderful gift and
all the intercessors who were with us during our journey especially
Padre Pio whom we pray to everyday.
My home-based work
lasted for 9 months (from February 2012 to November 2012). Come
December 2012, I was hired as a clinic nurse in a Healthcare and
Diagnostic Center. I worked there from December 2012 to March 2012
because I then took my leave to attend hospital training in a
tertiary hospital. After a month of training, I waited for almost 2
weeks and got a call informing me that I am hired as a staff nurse in
the said hospital.
I was super amazed
because who would have thought that at my state and because of my
past experiences in life, I would still be given the chance to
practice my profession, knowing what I have been through, it may seem
impossible. But truly, with the Lord, nothing is ever impossible,
just as long as you continue to believe and have faith.
May 14, 2013, at
exactly 2 years after my AV Malformation ruptured, the surgery and
the lifetime effects of my illness, it will also coincide with the
first day of my work as a hospital nurse. Some may say that it is
just a coincidence, but for me, it is a very important sign and not
just a coincidence. It was meant to happen at the very same day. A
sign that implies what has set you back will also be the reason for
your comeback. To me, it also means that when you fall deep, you can
also rise by twice or thrice.
I could have started
my work at any given day of May, but no. It was really set on May 14,
2013. To my fellow nurses, it means nothing at all. But to me, it
means the whole world. It all feels so unreal to me. But it really is
true and I have no reason not to believe that it’s within my reach.
I may have been left
behind by my batch mates and classmates when it comes to practicing
our profession, but I think that this is God’s perfect timing for
me. He wanted me to slow down and to appreciate a lot of important
things and the important people in my life. He may have used an odd
way (my illness) of making me realize that there are more important
things than profession, career and money.
Now, as I go back to
my normal life, even with the residual deficits, I know what to
prioritize and what to give importance to. These are: God, family,
relatives, friends, life, health and inner peace. As long as I have
them, I can be completely happy. I also live by this belief now:
Things happen for a reason, it may be good or bad, but whatever
reason it is, God intended them to happen for our own good. We just
need to have patience and continue to believe.
Truly, nothing is
impossible with the Lord. If we just earnestly ask for it, and maybe
even if we don’t ask for it, He will give it to us because He loves
us that much that He’d be willing to give the desires of our heart.
And through the unfailing intercession of Padre Pio, everything will
be alright in the end. As his famous line goes, “Pray, hope and
don’t worry.”
To
my fellow AVM survivors, even those who have just been diagnosed with
AVM, I beg you not to lose hope. We are all in this together. The
memory of my AVM journey is still fresh. Some are real bad memories
and very few good ones. But we have to make the best out of the
experience we had. If we use it to improve ourselves and to move on
with our lives, then it will have a positive effect on us.
I
have been through worse, but like me, I know we all have our families
and friends to support us. If we ask for their guidance and do not
push them away, they can help us bring back what we thought was lost
because of our illness. They may be over protective of us, like the
experiences of some survivors I was able to talk to, but I realized
that they just don’t want to lose us that is why they are being
extra careful. This may take time, like our healing process, but they
will get used to it, like how we got used to it.
Always
remember, you are not alone in this journey. We, AVM survivors are
already a family. We’ll be here for each other and support each
other throughout our journey. We can battle this illness if we stay
strong and faithful in our faith. It’s always comforting that
somebody understands what we are going through. As much as we want to
share it to our family and friends, we know that they will not
completely understand it because they have not been through what we
are experiencing. But nevertheless, we should know that they are
always here for us. And we are always here for each other.
Eunica
Rohanne P. Opulencia
